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Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org

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Merry almost Christmas, everybody.

3
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I have some great news. We are all getting--

4
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Frozen steaks!

5
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iPod Nothings!

6
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Colorful sweaters!

7
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Nope. Better.

8
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We are getting to participate in a
charity program called "Letters to Santa".

9
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No, this is great.

10
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The Post Office collects letters
that poor children write to Santa

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and then we go buy them what they ask for.

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Look, we already did our
Christmas charity work.

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Everybody here chipped in to get Sue a bra.

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Nice!

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Much better!
- Sweet!

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Come on, nobody but me's gonna do this?

17
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Well, I for one
think it's a great idea

18
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because Christmas is a time of giving.

19
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Ugh!

20
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Are you drunk?

21
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On "The Spirit of Christmas".

22
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It's this cheap, high-proof brandy I found.

23
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I hope it's not seasonal.

24
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I'll take one, Miss Lemon.
I love helping people less fortunate than me.

25
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Where do you find them?

26
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There are these Nigerians
on the internet that help me.

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Listen to this.
"Dear Santa, my name is Chanel Jenkins.

28
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I would like some new shoes
so I can walk to school.

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My dream is to be a doctor someday --"

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That kid's never gonna be a doctor.

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Better buy it a jet ski.

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This is what the holidays are all about.

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Merry Christmas, everyone!

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Hello?

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I'm free, Lemon.

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Where are you? I hear sunshine.

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I ducked down to Florida for a
surprise early Christmas.

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I showed up three days early,
showered my mom with gifts.

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She called them all adequate.
It's a Christmas miracle!

40
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Well, I'm glad to hear it went well.
Tell Colleen I said hi.

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I wish I could but she's out for her morning walk.

42
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And I'm off to have a real Christmas.

43
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Fly to Rio, tan in the nude,
bet on some monkey wrestling.

44
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Just like Norman Rockwell always drew it.
Well, have a good flight.

45
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I could fly there without a plane.

46
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Mother!

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Hey, Toofer, can I buy a kid FUBU?
Is that a swear word?

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Okay, while FUBU is not in itself profane,
I do think that--

49
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Thank you.

50
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Lemon --

51
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What are you doing here?
Why aren't you in Rio?

52
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I hit her. Colleen. I hit her with my car.

53
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What?! Oh my God! Is she --

54
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She's fine. She's better than fine.

55
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They're giving her a titanium hip.
Like the Terminator.

56
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It's only going to make her more powerful!

57
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Well, are you okay?

58
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How can I be? She's here, now, in my home.

59
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Some quack doctor strongly
recommended she be around family.

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Oh, ho, oh, and Colleen didn't miss that one.

61
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Yes, mother...

62
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Well, why don't you try taking one of the
many blankets off you if you're feeling hot.

63
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Yes, I know. It is hard. Life is hard.

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No I wasn't! I was just scratching my head.
What!

65
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If you need something
just call down to the doorman.

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Yes, he does speak English, mother.
Jamaican people speak Eng--

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She hung up.

68
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I had to cancel my trip.
There's nothing going on at work.

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Everyone I know is away for the holidays.

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It's just me and Colleen. All alone.

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Lemon, one of her suitcases was just wigs.

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Look, I'm not doing my usual thing
either this year.

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Do you want me to come over later,
and say hi to your mom?

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Would you, please?

75
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Yeah, sure. I'll entertain her.

76
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You know, I was just thinking
in the shower this morning,

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what if Saint Nick was Nic Cage?

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'Cause it might go, a little something, like this--

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Toofer! Toofer, my man! How's tricks?

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Ho, ho, ho...

81
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Nah, that sounds more like Joan Rivers.

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Hey are you almost done?
We need to get out of here --

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-- before someone recognizes me.

84
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just have to get
stocking stuffers. And stockings!

85
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Wait, what is all of this?

86
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You have video games in here,
and sports equipment, a T.V.!

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We-- I just want to make sure that DeShante,
age nine, and Marcus, age five,

88
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have a wonderful Christmas.

89
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Are you really gonna wrap all these presents?

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Of course I'm going to wrap them,
because that's what you do on Christmas.

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What you don't do is call your daughter
on December 22nd

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and tell her that you don't really feel
that you're up to hosting Christmas this year

93
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because she's 38 and you thought that
she'd have her "own family" by now.

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And that instead, you're going to a
couples-only retreat in Arizona,

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the theme of which is "Sexy at 70".

96
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Oh, no.

97
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Liz, you've never missed Christmas
with your family.

98
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I know. But I have a new family, the Glovers.

99
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And I am getting them all these
rapping Santas!

100
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Oh, oh well. I kind of assumed they would rap

101
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which is racist on my part,
but still, best Christmas ever!

102
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You're welcome, Glovers.

103
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Mother, what is so urgent that you
could not wait until

104
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I came back from the front door?

105
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I need my other bell!

106
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We agreed. One by the bed --

107
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-- and one by the toilet.

108
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Hello.

109
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Oh Liz... hello there.

110
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So good of you to come see me.

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Merry Christmas, Mrs. Donaghy.

112
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Oh, Liz, I'm so glad you're here.

113
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I want you to know and believe

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that what happened to me in Florida

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was an accident.

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My son, Jackie,
did not run me over on purpose.

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Case closed.

118
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And I don't want to hear another word about it.

119
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Mother, of course it was an accident,
no one is saying otherwise.

120
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The real tragedy is that the accident
broke of course,

121
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the Cartier watch

122
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that Jackie gave me early
this year for Christmas.

123
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Ho, ho, ho.

124
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It's not a Cartier, it's Chopard.

125
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Yes, of course, Chopard.
Not the Cartier watch

126
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that I wanted.

127
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Uh, Liz, uh, could I speak with you
for a second, please?

128
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I can't do this.

129
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I know, it's stressful.
The holidays are always stressful.

130
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It's not just that.

131
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Well, you're mother's hurt, and you love her.

132
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Do I? Do I, Lemon?

133
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I waited eight minutes.

134
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What?

135
00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:46,330
After I hit her, before I called 9-1-1
I sat in my car for eight minutes.

136
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What kind of son does that to his mother?

137
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Jack, you were in shock.

138
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You froze. It happens.

139
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It was an accident.

140
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It was an accident, right?

141
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Hey!

142
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What are you two girls whispering about?!

143
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,530
What are you all still doing here?

144
00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:13,433
Lutz looked it up, but if we stay until noon,
it counts as a work week.

145
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:16,035
And NBC has to pay
for our cabs to the airport.

146
00:07:16,035 --> 00:07:19,172
Tracy, you made $300 million this year.

147
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And I'm not going
anywhere for Christmas.

148
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Miss Lemon,
you really outdid yourself.

149
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Those are gonna be the happiest poor kids

150
00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:29,182
since my brother and I
went to Neverland Ranch.

151
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She went overboard because her family's
not exchanging gifts this year.

152
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Holy Buddha, who likes Christmas?

153
00:07:35,555 --> 00:07:37,256
It's gonna cost you a fortune to ship all this.

154
00:07:37,256 --> 00:07:38,891
Oh, no, I'm takin' it up there personally.

155
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I want to see DeShante and Marcus' faces
light up when they get it.

156
00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:47,934
Anyway, I gotta take this up to 245th Street
and Lawrence Taylor Boulevard.

157
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No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

158
00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:54,006
I will not not let you go
into that neighborhood alone.

159
00:07:54,006 --> 00:07:55,875
In the spirit of Christmas and Kwanzo --

160
00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:56,909
Kwanzaa.

161
00:07:56,909 --> 00:07:59,645
And Shalam-Shizzam to you too, my Sister.

162
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We'll go with you uptown.

163
00:08:00,713 --> 00:08:05,885
And remember, Dot Com, you are there
to protect me, and not Liz Lemon.

164
00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:11,691
Guys, we are outta here in five,
four, three, two...

165
00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:12,680
Exciting news, everyone.

166
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:18,125
We are going to put on a live
Christmas Eve Special this year!

167
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This year as in tomorrow this year?

168
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:22,168
Yes, that's right.

169
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,500
Sadly, it will mean working a lot
of hours over the next couple days.

170
00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:28,369
Being away from our loved ones, our mothers --

171
00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:32,612
But we will be part of giving America
the perfect Christmas Eve

172
00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:34,136
It's going to be so worth it!
Now...

173
00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:37,046
Brainstorming session!
Go!

174
00:08:37,416 --> 00:08:40,010
I don't want to do this.

175
00:08:41,787 --> 00:08:45,382
Mr. Donaghy, as leader of this group,
I have to put my foot down.

176
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:49,428
Christmas is a sacred time for me
and my surrogate family.

177
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So if you're willing to look four
25-year-old gay guys in the eyes

178
00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:56,202
and tell them that we're not going to see
New Kids on The Block at The Borgata,

179
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be my guest.

180
00:08:57,236 --> 00:09:00,106
You are all contractually obligated to participate.

181
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:02,006
Yes, sir. I never liked that group. Sorry.

182
00:09:04,343 --> 00:09:08,180
Jack, this isn't fair.
Don't take your mommy issues out on us.

183
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:10,249
I'm sorry, Lemon,
I'm just tryin' to get through Christmas.

184
00:09:10,249 --> 00:09:11,350
And then what?

185
00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:12,752
I found a nursing home off the coast of Maine

186
00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:15,321
run by the same French company
that oversaw Napoleon's exile.

187
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:18,119
She will be treated humanely
but there will be no escape.

188
00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:19,725
Merry Christmas!

189
00:09:27,967 --> 00:09:29,869
Thank you so much
for carrying that,

190
00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:31,537
I will buy you
guys dinner later.

191
00:09:31,537 --> 00:09:33,266
Liz, we both have girlfriends.

192
00:09:35,541 --> 00:09:37,236
This is it, 4-D.

193
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,506
Tracy, I am gonna need you to take a picture.

194
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,548
You just push the little button on top.

195
00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:45,540
Thanks a lot. I never operated a camera before.

196
00:09:46,118 --> 00:09:48,279
I'm serious, that was very helpful.

197
00:09:48,454 --> 00:09:50,723
Oh... Make sure you get the hug.

198
00:09:54,126 --> 00:09:55,828
Oh... Hi.

199
00:09:55,828 --> 00:09:59,231
I brought these presents as part of
the "Letters to Santa" program --

200
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:01,901
What just happened?

201
00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:04,503
What is the past tense of "scam"?
Is it scrumped?

202
00:10:04,503 --> 00:10:06,835
Liz Lemon, I think you just got scrumped.

203
00:10:08,507 --> 00:10:11,344
Donaghy wants a Santa costume and a Mrs. Claus.

204
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:12,612
One, two, three, four, five.

205
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:16,649

J-j-j-j-jingle bell all the way?

206
00:10:16,649 --> 00:10:18,184


207
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:21,053
No! Alfonso, I'm on the six, you're on the four.

208
00:10:21,053 --> 00:10:22,555
Come on.
One, two, three, four, five.

209
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:25,625

J-j-j-j-jingle bell all the way?

210
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:29,288
Ah, my little elves at work.
Looking good, gang, looking good.

211
00:10:30,062 --> 00:10:31,029
Oh...

212
00:10:33,232 --> 00:10:35,534
You do realize we're going
into quadruple overtime.

213
00:10:35,534 --> 00:10:39,005
So what? We're giving America
the perfect Christmas, Pete.

214
00:10:39,005 --> 00:10:40,700
There are kids out there who never get that.

215
00:10:41,507 --> 00:10:42,474
I know I didn't.

216
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:44,869
Not with Colleen around.

217
00:10:45,678 --> 00:10:47,947
My dad was long gone so every Christmas,

218
00:10:47,947 --> 00:10:50,916
Colleen would bring her "friend"
Mr. Schwarz over for dinner

219
00:10:50,916 --> 00:10:53,653
and she'd make me play songs on the
piano when she would sing to him.

220
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,154
My parents divorced when I was nine --

221
00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:56,689
Every year the dreadful moment arrived

222
00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:59,592
when I would catch Mr. Schwarz
caressing my mother's bony thigh.

223
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:03,396
And I'd say, "Eyes on the keys, Jackie Boy.
Keep your eyes on the keys..."

224
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:04,864
And they'd ask me to play "White Christmas"

225
00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:07,958
and it would turn into some
boozy, burlesque travesty!

226
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:10,429
Every time I hear that song I get aroused.

227
00:11:11,437 --> 00:11:12,805
What is wrong with me?

228
00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:16,208
I have to go to the prop meeting, now.

229
00:11:16,208 --> 00:11:17,766
She's the reason, she's why it happened.

230
00:11:19,578 --> 00:11:20,943
So the overtime...?

231
00:11:21,914 --> 00:11:22,881
Approved!

232
00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:24,416
Ah!

233
00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:25,684
It's Christmas!

234
00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:29,822
Next.

235
00:11:29,822 --> 00:11:34,960
Yes. Finally. Hi. I would like to speak to
whoever screens the "Letters to Santa".

236
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:36,655
Then you better talk to that box.

237
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:39,899
We-uh, maybe you can help me -- Tren�.

238
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:40,900
Irene.

239
00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:46,405
Irene, I believe that I was the victim of a scam
perpetrated through the mails. So...

240
00:11:46,405 --> 00:11:47,440
There's nothing we can do about that.

241
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,242
I disagree, I think there are
a lot of things we could do.

242
00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:53,345
I would like to access any census information
you have for this address.

243
00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:54,380
No.

244
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,816
In addition, I would like to speak
to the letter carrier...

245
00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:58,350
You know we're closin' in five minutes, right?

246
00:11:58,350 --> 00:12:00,086
Who services this zip, plus four.

247
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:01,519
Never gonna happen.

248
00:12:02,321 --> 00:12:03,989
Can you help me out with her?

249
00:12:03,989 --> 00:12:07,823
Oh, really? We're both black
so we must know each other --

250
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:10,096
Hey, Irene!

251
00:12:10,096 --> 00:12:11,397
Hey, Tracy!

252
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:12,932
Did Vicki hook you up with this job?

253
00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:14,133
Yes...

254
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:15,930
Oh, girl, you better stop.

255
00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:19,171
Hey, you don't know the
Postmaster General do you?

256
00:12:19,171 --> 00:12:22,108
I do, but we had a falling out
over the Jerry Garcia stamp.

257
00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:24,941
I mean, if I want to lick a hippie I'll just
return Joan Baez's phone calls.

258
00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:27,612
Are you wearing the same clothes as yesterday?

259
00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:29,674
I have no choice. I can't go home.

260
00:12:30,015 --> 00:12:31,584
Come on, you can go home --

261
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,280
No. I can't. Last night we had...

262
00:12:35,454 --> 00:12:36,443
an incident.

263
00:12:37,623 --> 00:12:39,750
Jackie, sweetheart,

264
00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:44,263
can you get this heavy, wool blanket
out from underneath me?

265
00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:46,288
I'm sweating like a grape picker.

266
00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:52,561
Come on, put some back into it,
Jacqueline. Ha ha.

267
00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:55,838
My other hip!

268
00:12:56,208 --> 00:12:58,574
I think it was subconscious...
I've had enough.

269
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:01,347
Fifty years of criticism and
feelings of inadequacy.

270
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,582
Fifty ruined Christmases. I want to be free.

271
00:13:03,582 --> 00:13:04,617
What are you saying?

272
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,018
I can't be alone with her.

273
00:13:06,018 --> 00:13:09,021
You see, Lemon, my mother is a virus
and my body is trying to get rid of her.

274
00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:11,257
Good God, she can't know
I'm having these thoughts.

275
00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:12,591
She can't know about the eight minutes.

276
00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:14,616
If she knew, she'd have me arrested,
she's done it before!

277
00:13:15,227 --> 00:13:17,127
Hey, the candy canes are for the show.

278
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:21,634
Oh, so how'd it go uptown, Miss Lemon?

279
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:22,635
I'll tell you how it went.

280
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,171
I filed a report with the Better Business Bureau.

281
00:13:25,171 --> 00:13:29,699
I'm not going to rest until the
"Letters to Santa" program is shut down.

282
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:32,578
What is wrong with you?

283
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:35,047
You are being a real Scrooge!

284
00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:36,849
It was just two dudes, Kenneth.

285
00:13:36,849 --> 00:13:39,885
They scammed me and now they're
selling that stuff on eBay.

286
00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:44,824
There were no kids up there and there
definitely weren't any hugs around here.

287
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,959
Well, if all you want is a hug from a black person

288
00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:49,860
maybe you should just host "The Price is Right."

289
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:52,865
I don't believe people would do that,
Miss Lemon.

290
00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:56,936
This is a religious holiday,
when has religion ever caused any trouble?

291
00:13:56,936 --> 00:13:58,704
Kenneth, you're na�ve.

292
00:13:58,704 --> 00:14:01,070
And you're acting like a real C word right now.

293
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:03,405
That's right, a Cranky Sue.

294
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:08,113
I know in my heart
that children got those presents.

295
00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:10,683
They didn't, Kenneth.
I'll prove it to you.

296
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:13,516
It's dinner break.
Tracy, we're going uptown.

297
00:14:14,453 --> 00:14:18,514
All right, I'll call Grizz and Dotcom.
I'm sure they're not doin' anything.

298
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:27,431
No. Dr. Williams said, "boundaries."

299
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:35,574
Oh, mother, you shouldn't be
exerting yourself like that.

300
00:14:35,574 --> 00:14:39,879
I'm sorry that work has kept me
from spending more time with you.

301
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,346
What kind of time, Jackie?

302
00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:44,442
Eight minutes? Maybe?

303
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:47,586
John Francis Donaghy...

304
00:14:47,586 --> 00:14:51,056
How could you? How could you?

305
00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:54,326
Waiting eight minutes to call 9-1-1.

306
00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:55,361
I can't believe it!

307
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:56,629
I don't know what you're talking about, mother,

308
00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:57,687
and I've got to get back to work now.

309
00:14:58,264 --> 00:14:59,253
Exhibit A!

310
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:02,999
Your cell phone bill.

311
00:15:03,435 --> 00:15:06,906
16 AM.

312
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,032
Exhibit B!

313
00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:11,644
The watch that my son gave me
for Christmas,

314
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:13,305
not the one I wanted by the way!

315
00:15:13,712 --> 00:15:17,116
You had just set it before it broke of course!

316
00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:19,785
When your car rammed into me down in Florida.

317
00:15:19,785 --> 00:15:23,789
And it stopped at 8:08!

318
00:15:23,789 --> 00:15:25,518
Exhibit C!

319
00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:28,894
Sixteen minus eight is eight!

320
00:15:28,894 --> 00:15:32,022
Numbers, unlike children, don't lie!

321
00:15:32,364 --> 00:15:34,199
What kind of son --

322
00:15:34,199 --> 00:15:35,434
What kind of mother tells her son that

323
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:37,959
John Kennedy died because he talked in church?

324
00:15:38,337 --> 00:15:40,739
Or tells her son when he's
voted captain of the diving team,

325
00:15:40,739 --> 00:15:43,042
quote, "What a great way to meet guys"?

326
00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:44,043
Oh!

327
00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:46,378
Or invites strange men over
on Christmas Eve?!

328
00:15:46,378 --> 00:15:50,582
Don't turn this around, Jackie!
Don't make this about me!

329
00:15:50,582 --> 00:15:52,851
It's always about you!

330
00:15:52,851 --> 00:15:54,586
I am 50 years old.

331
00:15:54,586 --> 00:15:56,689
You have ruined every Christmas I've ever had

332
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,724
and I'm not letting you take
this one down too!

333
00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:00,859
You're walking away from me!

334
00:16:00,859 --> 00:16:02,793
More snow machines!

335
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:09,234
You see Kenneth, those drawings are
a clue that children live here.

336
00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:10,326
Lebowsky out.

337
00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:14,163
This bare door is a scam door.

338
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:17,039
No. Children live here, I know it.

339
00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:20,006
Get ready to have your little bubble burst.

340
00:16:20,412 --> 00:16:22,676
Come on, Christmas...
Come on, Christmas...

341
00:16:23,615 --> 00:16:24,604
Hello?

342
00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:30,180
Oh, my gosh,
are you DeShante and Marcus?

343
00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:33,758
And you got the presents?
There are presents under the tree?

344
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:37,262
I did that! I got that stuff for you!

345
00:16:37,262 --> 00:16:39,560
I'm the one who made Christmas happen!

346
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:41,467
What about Santa?!

347
00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:45,170
Daddy, she said there's no Santa Claus!

348
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:46,238
What is wrong with you?!

349
00:16:46,238 --> 00:16:48,774
No, I, it's a, I did a good thing.
I got the letter from--

350
00:16:48,774 --> 00:16:51,910
Yeah, the letter that said "Dear Santa,"
not "Dear Lonely White Lady."

351
00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:52,911
I'm sorry.

352
00:16:52,911 --> 00:16:58,679
Could I offer you tickets to a live Christmas
special in the tradition of Andy Williams.

353
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:04,019
Okay, you were right.
So, yeah, you were right.

354
00:17:09,061 --> 00:17:10,529
Do you know your mother is here?

355
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:12,831
I don't care.
I'm trying to produce a Christmas special

356
00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:14,662
that makes "It's a Wonderful Life"
look like "Pulp Fiction."

357
00:17:14,933 --> 00:17:18,070
Where the hell is Mrs. Claus,
you can't do Christmas Eve without her.

358
00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:19,405
What is wrong with you people?!

359
00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:20,939
We're on in 30 seconds.

360
00:17:20,939 --> 00:17:22,007
How can we not have Mrs. Claus?

361
00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:24,407
I didn't realize you were serious
about that so I cut it --

362
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,678
You can't cut Mrs. Claus!

363
00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:29,915
Everyone knows that on Christmas Eve
Mrs. Claus hangs your stockings

364
00:17:29,915 --> 00:17:31,583
and then puts out food for Santa.

365
00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:34,177
Then you sing songs around the piano
until she tucks you in.

366
00:17:34,686 --> 00:17:36,455
Did your mother not do that?

367
00:17:36,455 --> 00:17:38,824
That's not a thing, Jack.

368
00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:40,225
Yes, it is.

369
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:43,695
No, Mrs. Claus must have been
something special that Colleen did.

370
00:17:43,695 --> 00:17:46,065
Probably to make up for the fact
that your dad wasn't around.

371
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,567
No, Christmas in the Donaghy house was awful.

372
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:51,770
Have I not told you
about my mom's Yuletide boyfriend,

373
00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:54,740
good old Frederick August Otto Schwarz III?

374
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,909
F.A.O. Schwartz, like the toy store?

375
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:59,742
His family owned some toy stores. Yes, so what?

376
00:18:00,879 --> 00:18:05,213
Jack, I think your mother "put out" on
Christmas to get you kids presents.

377
00:18:05,517 --> 00:18:06,685
She did it for you.

378
00:18:06,685 --> 00:18:09,279
Not possible. She didn't do anything for us.

379
00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:13,154
I know you guys were pretty poor.
Did you have a lot of presents?

380
00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:16,195
You couldn't even see the tree!

381
00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:19,130
In five, four, three...

382
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:25,104
Our first guest has sung with everyone
from Paul Anka to Crocodile Dundee.

383
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,332
Cross the piano!

384
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:31,376
Ladies and gentlemen, Jenna Maroney!

385
00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:39,685


386
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:45,419


387
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:51,396


388
00:18:51,396 --> 00:18:56,602


389
00:18:56,602 --> 00:19:03,175

and some mistle toe?

390
00:19:03,175 --> 00:19:06,912
Liz Lemon, I know you're going to be
all alone on Christmas Day.

391
00:19:06,912 --> 00:19:09,815
So if you'd like...
you can spend it with the Jordans.

392
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,350
I'd love to, Tracy.

393
00:19:11,350 --> 00:19:13,385
Good. We'll be over at 2:00.

394
00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:14,853
My kids have a peanut allergy,

395
00:19:14,853 --> 00:19:16,878
but my dogs only eat steak.

396
00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:20,191
Okay.

397
00:19:20,759 --> 00:19:25,492


398
00:19:30,769 --> 00:19:32,634
What on earth is the matter with you?

399
00:19:33,605 --> 00:19:35,941
I love you mother and I don't want you to die.

400
00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:38,375
I'm never going to, Jackie.

401
00:19:39,044 --> 00:19:45,005


402
00:19:51,957 --> 00:20:01,333


403
00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:09,841


404
00:20:09,841 --> 00:20:12,811


405
00:20:12,811 --> 00:20:17,983


406
00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:21,587


407
00:20:21,587 --> 00:20:25,357


408
00:20:25,357 --> 00:20:38,670


409
00:20:38,670 --> 00:20:40,399
You're flat Jack.

410
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:44,069
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411
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